Why are humans called social animals? Why can’t we live in isolation? In fact, why isolation is a form of punishment? Because, no matter how resourceful or gracious or skilled we are, we do need others. We need their support in every aspect of our lives. And we human we depend on others. And because it’s so obvious, we usually don’t realise it. We takes things and people for granted and it shows in our conduct.
And gratitude just reminds us that we were neither alone nor can we be alone. We always have and would always need love, care, warmth and help. And instead of forgetting that, we should be thankful.
What is gratitude?
More than thanking, gratitude is the feeling of appreciation for things and people who hold meaning and value in our lives. In our past gratitude takes form of our childhood memories that makes us want to live those moments again. While, in our present, gratitude is for everything and everyone that gives us a reason to smile. And for the future, gratitude is hope of something good.
Types of gratitude
Gratitude as affective trait
Gratitude, at times is an inherent quality of a person. Such an individual tends to appreciate life more. They are more receptive to goodness around whether big or small. And thus they are more content with life. For some of them gratitude as a trait comes from early experiences of life. When at young age they experience life altering incidents. For example, a natural calamity. For them gratitude becomes their resilient response to adversities. While for others, gratitude was adopted later in life and has become an integral part of their emotional response.
Gratitude as mood
Gratitude is not just a persistent quality like a trait, it can be a temporary state of mind. And that is our mood. Mood is an emotion state that fluctuates throughout the day. Gratitude as a mood means that you are overwhelmed with feeling of gratefulness at a particular moment. For example, when weather is pleasant or when you receive an unexpected call from a friend! While on others, you experience it lesser. For example, your regular commute to office or following a monotonous routine. Moments of gratitude can act as a mood boosters!
Gratitude as emotion
Besides a trait or mood, gratitude is also felt as an emotion. For example the intense feeling that you experience when you receive a thoughtful gift from a loved one! These feelings arise in response to a specific event. They are brief episodes of being thankful. And this feeling of gratefulness is our emotional response to the act of kindness. And with this emotion we basically acknowledge the value someone or something holds in our life.
Four steps to gratitude
NOTICE – THINK – FEEL – DO
Notice
Focus. And then notice the act of kindness, no matter how small it may be. Now bring your attention to all little things that are being done for you. Notice how your loved ones take care of you. Also, notice how they make you feel through their acts, aids and support. Go ahead and look around and notice the beautiful collection of things that holds value in your heart.
Think
When you receive a gift think about the very thought behind those gifts. Pay attention to the very details and the efforts someone has put in there. Think about all of your prized possessions, and also think why were you given those things. Think about the people who take care of you, and why are they doing so. Whether they are part of family or part of community, think about how they put efforts in giving you a comfortable life.
Feel
Feel all the emotions that emerges within when you think about all these acts of kindness. Sense this happiness which makes you feel lucky, blessed, special and valued. And notice how these people around you make you feel when they show concerned towards you through their actions.
Do
And now is the time for action. Think, how are you going to return their kindness? Will you express how thankful you are or will you do something for them? So think about something that you can do beyond saying thank you.
Why gratitude matters?
Gratitude in adversities
Gratitude is often mistaken with toxic positivity, the so called dark side of gratitude. Whereas, gratitude by no means is an act of thanking or welcoming troubles in our life. In fact, it’s based on recognising our own strengths at the time of adversities. Looking around at everything and everyone we still have, gives you a confidence that you are not alone, and this is not the end. This confidence can shift your focus from the problem to finding solutions. A mere awareness of empathy and compassion around, can charge you up and make you bounce back.
Gratitude in relations
Gratitude is like a cement that strengthens the walls of your relationships. A simple act of appreciating and expressing your gratitude can nurture the relationships like nothing else. Everyone wants a pat on back. Everyone feels motivated by recognition. When we express our thankfulness to people who care for us, we send them a message that they are valued. This little token of appreciation can do wonders for a relationship and can improve the overall well-being of your loved ones.
Gratitude in well-being
Gratitude is overall perception towards life. It’s not just a momentary emotions but our generic state of mind. If we were to make a list of things we are thankful for, how long would that be? The length of this list is a reflection of our state of mind. This is how we look around and this is how we look within. That’s our happiness index and that’s our life-satisfaction scale. This is how we have seen our past and this is how we are looking at our future. And this is how we live in our present. The more grateful we are, the more abundant we feel.
Tips to foster gratitude
Ask question
It all starts with self-reflection. Ask yourself some thought provoking questions. How often do you feel grateful? What is it that you look forward to when the word future comes in your mind? What all things are the people around you doing for you? Why are they doing so? How many basic needs do you have to NOT worry about? What all skills have to acquired lately? What all achievement are you proud of? Who all have contributed in your success? How many reasons to smile does life offers you everyday? How is your body treating you?
Ask. Introspect. Answer. And be grateful.
Bring your senses to work
Mindfulness and gratitude goes hand in hand. While mindfulness is a practice of noticing tiny glimmers scattered all around, gratitude is a practice of thanking and appreciating them. Our five sense which enhances our experience of the world around, are the ones that bring the moments of delight to us. To savour the moment we need to tap into these senses. To appreciate something we need to first notice it with all our senses.
Note it down
There is no right or wrong way to express gratitude. Important is to notice and note down. It doesn’t matter whether it’s in gratitude journal or thank you notes, positive affirmations or gentle reminders; what matters is to keep reminding yourself of the graces and blessings.
Gratitude is an emotion which if brought to our daily routine can become an attitude.
"Gratitude, like faith, is a muscle. The more you use it, the stronger it grows." - Alan Cohen