Falling in love is easier but maintaining a intimate and strong relationship takes continuous efforts. And the most important is to speak a language that our partner understands. Because everyone has their own unique way of expressing and receiving love. And that’s why it’s crucial that you understand the love language of your partner as well as yours.
As outlined by Dr. Gary Chapman their are five general ways in which people express and experience love. He referred to them as love languages.
Five Love Languages
As introduced in his book “The 5 Love Languages” in 1992, the five love languages are:
Words of Affirmation
It’s a way to express your feelings through praise and appreciation. It involves encouragement, kind words and uplifting messages. Complimenting your loved one for a job well done or pointing out their efforts, no matter how small they are.
Identify your language
– You feel valued when you hear a positive comment on what you are doing.
– You feel cherished when you are paid attention to.
– It’s feels nice to have your efforts recognised with kind words.
Your primary language is word of affirmation
Quality Time
More than number of minutes or hours, it’s all about undivided attention for your dear ones. They feel loved if you are present in the moment and are focused on them without any distraction, when you are together. Which means making eye contact while talking, keeping your cell-phone aside and listening actively. This love language is all about having meaningful conversations and doing small thing together.
Identify your language
– You feel hurt when your partner seem distracted while you are talking to them.
– Creating memories together is super important to you.
– You feel valued when they prioritize you in their schedule.
Your primary language is quality time
Physical Touch
Here, in this language love is expressed through physical affection. Aside from sexual intimacy it’s more about platonic touch. Gestures like hugging, holding hands, combing hair or a pat on back are a few examples. Physical touch provides a sense of security and warmth, which helps us feel comfortable. It also send a message that we are available for each other.
Identify your language
– You look forward to hugs and cuddles.
– Public display of affection make you feel valued in you relationship.
– Tender caresses does the trick for you.
Your primary language is physical touch
Act Of Service
Acts of service is going above and beyond with your actions to express love. For someone whose main love language is act of service, would notice and appreciate little things that you do for them. More than hearing how much you care for them, they like it to be shown through actions.
Identify your language
– You feel taken care of when your partner do little chores to help you.
– Actions speaks louder than words for you.
– You feel valued when your partner goes out of their way to make your life easier.
Your primary language is act of service
Receiving Gifts
For someone who responds to this love language, gift-giving indicates love and affection. For them it’s not about the monetary value but the symbolic thought behind the gift. They not only treasure the gift itself but also the time and effort that has been put into the gift. So when you take the time to pick out a gift specifically for them, it tells them you really know them.
Identify your language
– The gesture of receiving a gift demonstrates that you are seen and cared for.
– The best gifts are the meaningful ones. If it’s a surprise gift, even better.
– Seeing gifts reminds you of those sentimental moments.
Your primary language is receiving gifts
How Love Languages Help Relationships
Develop Empathy
Being able to see things from someone else’s perspective promotes empathy. When we empathize with them we also learn that their love language can be different from ours. It helps us to step outside of ourselves and take a look at what makes them feel loved.
Create Selflessness
When we learn someone else’s love language, we are focussed on their need rather than ours. Thus being considerate of others’ perspectives, experiences, and emotions. Hence, instead of speaking their own love language to their partner, they learn how to speak in a language that their partner understands.
Promotes Self Growth
Bringing your focus on something or someone outside of yourself promotes self-growth. Expressing your love in a way outside of your comfort zone encourages you to grow and change for better. You become more considerate in your communications and start to look outside of yourself.
Love languages changes over time as the relationship evolves. Speaking someone’s love language requires attention and efforts; especially if it’s different from ours. But isn’t that’s how relationships are developed; through attention and effort.
"At the heart of mankind’s existence is the desire to be intimate and to be loved by another." - Gary Chapman