“That’s not what I meant”; this phrase is a sign that conversation didn’t go well. Because what we felt or thought, was not communicated well to other person. And often, it is the main reason behind most of the arguments we have. Lack of communication is the essential cause of misunderstanding, confusion and misleading assumptions. And that is why it is said that a good communication is the foundation of a healthy relationship.
Communication is the key to build trust and intimacy in a relationship. Good communication creates an environment where two people share their thoughts, opinions, feelings and expectations. Thats is why, open communication is what we all need for long lasting and fulfilling relationships.
Essential Components of Communication
Communication is not just what we say but also how we behave in a conversation. We converse not just with words but with our tone and hidden emotions in our voice. These components acquire the most weightage in a conversation. Because the non-verbal gestures express what words fail to convey.
Eye Contact
Eye contact is a most important part of communication and perhaps the most crucial non-verbal component. In fact poor eye contact is a major reason behind a conversation ending abruptly. Because it clearly sends a message that you don’t have interest in listening to what the other person wants to say. A conversation with this essential element are not only left unfulfilled, but it also makes the other person feel undervalued in your life.
Body Language
Your body language reveals your true feelings. Through your body language you are giving continuous signal to others in an interaction. This non-verbal behaviour can draw people towards you, or it can push them back. And if your body language isn’t align with what you are saying, then it send confusing messages. Which is the last thing you want in a conversation, confuse the other person. That’s why it is very important to display what you want to convey through your body language.
Gesture
Gestures are the silent cues which convey string messages in a communication. Movement of your face, hands and other part of body, let the other person know how much you are into the conversation. How well you are listening, how intrigued you are. this makes a huge impact in building trust and rapport with the person you are communicating with. And likewise, if your gestures don’t match with your words they generate tension and doubts.
Physical Touch
Physical touch communicates positive emotions in an informal and intimate relationship. These touches show your concern, they provide comfort and reassurance. They express gratitude and affection. A consoling touch can calm a distressed person almost instantly. Research has shown that hugging can reduce levels of the stress hormone cortisol.
Communication Pitfalls
Silent treatment
Silent treatment is an unhealthy way to opt out of an argument. In fact it’s a subtle way of manipulation. Many a times it is used as a control mechanism after a conflict. Because through silence you are basically expressing your anger or displeasure ‘loudly’. Over use of silence is emotionally abusive. This behaviour forces our loved ones to feel that someone whom they care about has nothing to do with them.
Assumptions
For any communication to happen we need to both speak and listen to. and assumption doesn’t let this happen. Because when we make assumption we basically tell ourself that we already know what the other person might have to say. Or they know exactly what we mean to say. That is why assumption is the main reason behind any misunderstanding. For an effective communication, it is very important that we converse without any preconceived notions in our mind.
Listen with half ear
Passive listening is misleading. Because, while half of your mind is elsewhere, but the the speaker believes that you are listening. This often leads to confusion and sometimes conflict. Also, it is frustrating for the speaker as well. Especially in close relationship when they want you to hear them out with your full heart.
Wrong time and place
There are certain conversations that needs to be carried out only when the time is right. Likewise, personal conversation should happen in privacy. If the conversation doesn’t happen at right place and time, there are fairly good chances that the message would completely be missed. Because the listener would be more focussed on the inappropriateness of the conversation in that particular environment.
Texting
Text communicate only words. It doesn’t convey your true emotions no matter how many emojis you use. That is why it’s not a good idea to have serious or emotional discussion over text. It often leads to miscommunication because text can not express non-verbal gestures. Which as we understand is a very important part of communication. So, it’s always best to have face to face conversations, especially when you need to be understood by the other person. Make use of technology and go for video calls if physical meeting isn’t possible. But avoid texting when you or the other person is highly emotional.
Let’s communicate effectively
Don’t assume, just ask
You want to know how they are feeling? What they are thinking? Just ask. Don’t assume that you know. You want them to know how you feel and what you are thinking? Just say it. Don’t assume that they know or they should know. When you leave this guesswork out, you can have meaningful conversations and a fruitful relationship.
Be mindful
Stay in the moment. And listen actively. Pay close attention to non-verbal gestures as well. Try to understand the emotions behind the words. Give your full attention to the conversation and respond mindfully. And finally, let go of the presumptions, speculations and back of the mind thoughts. Just pay undivided attention to what is being said and how is being said.
Make eye contact
Let the other person know you are interested in this communication and you care to listen to what they have to say. And when you are the speaker in the conversation, your eye contact displays the honesty in your words. It builds trust in the communication.
Leave distractions aside
Silent your smartphone and put it aside. Switch off the television. Close the screen of your laptop. And give your 100% attention to the conversation. Distraction is disrespectful. Not only during serious talks but also in random chit-chats. When you are in a conversation your complete presence is required. Especially with the people you care for, you need to display that they matter to you.
Communicate with clarity
Be clear in your expressions. Tell them exactly what you expect and feel. Don’t use half finished sentences. Stop assuming that they already know. Rather be very clear and straightforward while expressing your thoughts.
Validate emotions
Validation doesn’t mean that you agree with other’s point of view. In fact, what it means is that you validate emotions and feelings of the other person in the matter. Also that you understand how they feel about something even if you don’t agree with the fact. It’s an empathetic response in a conversation. It offers support to a relationship. It makes people feel heard and understood. Thus, it automatically reduces the stress of difficult or highly emotional conversations.
Communication is important in all relationships, not just the romantic ones. It’s essential in friendship, in families, with co-workers or any acquaintance. It’s a skill that is the cornerstone of every relationship of yours. And it’s a skill that requires consistent practice.
"It's not distance that keeps people apart, it's lack of communication." - Unknown