“Good things comes to those who wait” and above all, to those who act. To those who want to bring a change, who are self reliant and to those who are ready to take the next step. Good things happens to those who don’t sit with arms folded, claiming that life is unfair to them. Only to them. Because for something good to happen we have to deal with tough situations and that cannot happen if you choose to play victim.
Victimhood is a learned behavior. We aren’t born victims, in fact, we learn to act like one. For one, to shun responsibilities and for second to gain benefits like sympathy, attention or high moral ground. Playing victim so you don’t have to change your own behaviour because it’s never your fault. Playing victim so you don’t have to take any challenge because outcomes are always out of your hands. And there is nothing you can do to change the script.
Accepting the role of victim has significant drawbacks. Apart from bringing resentment it leaves you powerless.
How does playing victim affects us
Holds Us Back
Let’s say you are in a job where you don’t like the overall culture. Job responsibilities don’t excite you. You don’t really see a meaningful career ahead that you could be proud of. But you’re still stuck there. Because victims are helpless. They can’t change the scenario because situations are always outside of their control. They believe that no matter what they try, nothing will change. So they stay there and never move forward. This is how a victim mindset holds you back from fulfilling your dreams. It leaves you powerless.
Learned Helplessness
As the name suggests, learned helplessness means you have ‘learned’ to be helpless is a given situation. It often happens when a person encounters stressful situations repeatedly and give up trying to make changes. Victim mindset brings a constant feeling of ‘there is nothing I can do about it!‘. Thus, it refrains you from trying anything which is possible. You fail to see options that you could try to change your circumstances. All that is possible for you is to whine about the situation and find someone or something to blame for it. And when there is no one is your vicinity to take the blame then the sole giftee is your bad luck!
Life Goes ‘Lifeless’
Victim mentality forms a negative view towards life. People with victim mentality can hardly enjoy good things because ‘grass is always greener on the other side’. Life is always unfair to them, always hard on them. As a result they fail to notice the tiny glimmers on their way. They are always frustrated, anxious and complaining. For one, problems always come to them without any reason. Second, nothing is ever their fault so they never hold any accountability. And third, since they don’t hold any responsibility, there is nothing they can do apart from feeling miserable.
Constant Need For Sympathy
People who consider themselves as victims, believe that others are responsible for how they feel. And that is why they expect people to take good care of them. For them life is unfair only to them while everyone else is favoured. They want constant sympathy from others because they believe they are the only ones facing hardships while others had it easy. So for them it’s the duty of everyone else to treat them delicately.
Strained Relationships
People with victim mindset have a tendency to put blame on their partner for any disagreement or issues. But they refuse to take responsibility of their part in a relationship. Their helpless attitude expects their partners to fulfill all of their needs causing an imbalance in their relationship. They expect to be treated specially because of their perceived victimhood and express anger otherwise. This consistent blame and resentment puts strain on relationship over a period of time.
How to step out of victim mindset
Own Your Story
It’s your life, your story. You are the one to write your climax. The only person dutiful towards yourself is YOU. No one else is liable to make you feel special, it’s your job. Be accountable for the choices you make. Be answerable for the steps you take. Stop blaming others for how you feel and what you do. Instead, take responsibility of your own thoughts and actions. Stop relying on others for the power resides in you.
Change Your Perspective
Life doesn’t have to be fair to you and it won’t be. There have been hardships and there will be. So stop looking at others with envy and stop looking at yourself with self pity. Stop comparing for you don’t know their story. Wherever you are today, there would always be people ahead of you and always be people behind you. All you have to look at is your own journey, your own progression. You need to bring your focus inwards. Address your needs and understand your thoughts. Look for the source of your feelings and work towards constructive measures.
Acknowledge Your Emotions
Don’t push your emotions away because they make you feel weakened. Instead address them non-judgmentally. Don’t tell yourself it’s wrong to feel anger, instead try to understand what makes you angry and what can you do about it. If it’s something that has already happened then let yourself heal first and then let it go. If it is because of a situation you are currently in, then try to explore various possibilities that may change your current circumstances. There is nothing wrong in taking help and you should if it’s needed. But you must remember that rein is in your hands.
Write
Putting your thoughts on paper is cathartic. It release your stress and helps you calm down. It helps in sorting your jumbled up thoughts. It’s an amazing practice that brings all the negative energy out. Also, it reflects your current state of mind and helps you understand yourself better. It keeps a track of your mood and feelings, so you can observe them without being taken over by them.
Indulge
Indulge in activities that releases ‘happy hormones‘. Find a hobby and invest sometime in it. No matter how busy you might be, book a slot in your calendar for your favourite activity of the day. Be regular. The more time you spent in doing what you enjoy, the less time you will have to propagate emotions that makes you feel like a victim.
Pay attention to your health
Eat well. Sleep well. Take care of your physical, emotional and mental well-being. Practice relaxation techniques. Let the sunshine fall on your body. Stay hydrated. Keep a regular check on your vitals. Take recovery breaks. A healthy mind lives in a healthy body. So follow a self-care routine regularly.
Be Kind
To yourself and to others. Learn to forgive. Accept yourself for who you are. Be proud of your strengths and work on your flaws. Don’t beat yourself for perfection. Instead, work towards gradual improvements day by day. Try one random act of kindness every day. Remind yourself that pain, sadness and disappointment is experienced by everyone. So try to be empathetic towards others and towards yourself. Kindness is a beautiful way to bring joy in life.
Practice Gratitude
Gratitude is appreciating little things in life that we usually take for granted. Whenever you feel your victim mindset has started to take charge, take a pause and notice the tiny glimmers of joy. Thank universe for bringing them all to you. Pay mindful attention to everything that you are grateful for. No matter how tough your journey has been so far, there has to be something or someone that you are truly grateful for. Acknowledge and say thank you.
As stated earlier, victim mentality is a learned behavior which can be unlearned. Just remember it’s YOU who should be in the driver’s seat of your life.
"Strength doesn’t come from what you can do. It comes from overcoming the things you once thought you couldn’t.” – Rikki Rogers