We all are work in progress. No one is perfect. Each one of us has some good and some ‘not so good’ personality traits. These are basically qualities that makes us who we are. Although, these traits define us to an extent, but a few of them are harmful for our mental well-being. They drift us away from happiness and therefore, they should be eliminated. So let’s try to identify and unlearn them.

Pessimism

Pessimistic people are those who always expect a bad news and are suspicious whenever something good happens. They never are truly happy because their focus is always on what might can go wrong. Although, it’s beneficial to look for warning signs, as it prepares you to handle difficult situations. However, overly pessimistic approach eventually builds stress and anxiety. Not only that, with this mindset you would always fear to leave your comfort zone. For you would always measure risk higher than benefits. That is why pessimism is a major setback in your growth, reducing your overall life satisfaction.

Fix

Shift your focus from things you can not control. Rather pay your attention to the solution. Many a times problems are not that big in actual but they sound huge in our head. Keep yourself ready for worst but don’t stop hoping for best. Stop negative self-talks. A few setbacks here and there do not make you unworthy. Practice gratitude. Look around yourself there are countless things to be thankful for. And finally, remind yourself that in life no phase is constant. Nothing remains forever. So just like good times, tough times too pass.

Judging

“Don’t judge a book by it’s cover”, we often teach this to kids. But unfortunately, when it comes to real life practices, we consciously or even unconsciously end up judging others. Sometimes it make us feel superior for our own choices in life. Or many a times it’s just a simple urge to be right. Often people measure their lives and life of others through a standard scale. For example, for people who love social gatherings, the measure of happiness is by how much they party. Thus, anyone who prefers to stay home would be judged as bore, antisocial and obviously unhappy. What they fail to understand is that different personalities have different needs.

Fix

Stop looking at everyone through the same glass. Your life story is entirely different from others. Same goes for your struggles, experiences and learnings. Likewise, people also differ in how they measure success and fulfillment. So it’s not entirely appropriate to classify them as high achievers or underachievers. It’s a fair possibility that things that you strive the most for, is insignificant for someone else. By that, it doesn’t mean they are living a life without aim or goals. It’s only because their needs are different from yours. They might be putting their hard work on something else.

Criticism

Criticism is not feedback. It doesn’t inspire others to make improvement. Rather it creates anger and defensiveness in them. Not to mention, it hurts self-esteem of the person being criticised. Criticism indeed is a personal attack that lead to embarrassment. People don’t like to be criticised because it hurts. Critical comments are seldom useful, rather they are very effective in ruining relationships. Because constant criticism is another form of emotional abuse.

Fix

Just replace criticism with feedbacks. Rather than fault-finding, feedback is focussed on solutions. Communicate your expectations in a straightforward manner. For example, if you expect other person to be punctual, simply tell them to the point. Don’t sting them with comments on their personality or how they don’t value your time.

Envy

Envy is a form of unfavourable comparison with others. If you keep looking at others opulence, your own life would never be enough. And this mindset, creates a pointless inferiority complex. Not just that when people are reluctant to accept this emotion they start to indulge in behaviour that protect their self-esteem. Like they try to convince themselves that accomplishment of other person are simply by chance, they haven’t actually earned it. Or they purposely try to snub the person they envy. So in nutshell it’s a injurious emotion both mentally and physically.

Fix

First and foremost, accept your emotions instead of denying them. Then only you’ll be able to reach to the root cause. Always remember everyone has their own set of attainments and own set of struggles. What you are looking at is the brighter side of their life, there might be a dark side to it as well, which you fail to see. Practice gratitude. Look at everything that fills your life with joy. Remind yourself of your own accomplishments. Instead of spending your thoughts on someone else, fill up your headspace with your own dreams and work towards achieving them.

Excessive Competitiveness

Life is not a race. No matter how hard you run, or how fast you run, there would always be people ahead of you and there would always be people behind you. You can’t practically win every single time. And by trying to do so, you do nothing but ruin your mental health. Stress, jealousy and anxiety are by product of overly competitiveness. It also hampers your social relationships as well. Additionally with this mindset, you will turn every enjoyable moment of your life into a contest. And if you lose, that distress would be too much to handle.

Fix

Focus on self-improvement. Instead of being better than others work towards becoming a better version of yourself. Convert comparison into inspiration. There is a lot you can learn from others, use these learnings to excel in your area. Always remember we all are work in progress. If not today you would reach their tomorrow, just keep working towards it.

Sarcasm

Sarcasm is nothing but a passive aggressive behaviour. Where words may be neutral but there is aggression underlying. Sarcasm is not funny, it’s actually insult disguised in humour. The word sarcasm is taken from Greek work (sarkázein) which means ‘to tear flesh’. And that’s what it exactly does, it cuts like knife. Moreover, it’s an indicator that your don’t have the courage to say things directly, hence using sarcasm as a tool to express. Not to forget this habit will make you lose credibility because people will always doubt your true intentions.

Fix

Whether it’s a feedback or a complaint, just say it directly. Always think before you speak. Sometimes just paying attention can do wonders. Refrain from passing comment on people’s actions especially if it’s none of your business. And most importantly, ask yourself, does it really makes you happy? Only Supportive qualities like empathy, kindness, encouragement and gratitude will make you happy, not the bitter jokes.

Holding Grudge

So you were wronged in the past and it obviously hurt. It could have been an incident from recent past or perhaps something that happened many years ago. And by holding onto grudge you are basically rehearsing that incident in your mind while keeping the bitterness alive, till today. So while you were hurt just one time, you are reliving that moment and feeling that pain over and over. That’s why, while your anger is directed to someone else, it’s YOU who is suffering. Your wounds won’t heal if you keep them open.

Fix

Acknowledge your feelings and write them down in a journal. Spilling your emotions on papers is an effective strategy to work towards your feelings. Learn to forgive. While forgiveness may not feel right in every situation and in that case it doesn’t mean to reconcile with the person. Here, it’s an intent to let go of resentment and anger. Live in the present. While you can’t control what has already happened but you can still enjoy this current moment.

Guilt Tripping

We all have regrets. This feeling of guilt can arise from a wrongdoing. Or not been able to help someone in need. Though guilt can help you acknowledge your actions and make self-improvement. But it becomes a problem when you go overboard with it. Especially when you feel guilty about situations that were not in your control, or you aren’t the one to be blamed for. This guilt can bring in a sense of unworthiness, low self-esteem or overly compensatory behaviour. Not only it impacts your mental and physical health but also negatively influence your decisions. Thus, deteriorating your overall well-being.

Fix

While it’s beneficial to introspect your behaviour and actions. But at the same time don’t undermine the importance of forgiving yourself. Make amends with the person who was hurt by your behaviour, even it was unintentional. And most of all, understand what you can control. Instead of dwelling into what happened in past, focus on what you can do now.

Being Over Sensitive

To some degree, we all are sensitive to others feelings and opinion for us. In a way it’s good because it inculcates feeling of empathy, thoughtfulness and compassion towards others. But again, just like any other trait, oversensitivity too is unhealthy. And thus, needs to be kept in check because it leads to overwhelming emotions. You tend to over analyze every conflict and overreact to every opinion. Moreover, this habit can also cause you to misinterpret others. Thus, prevent you from enjoying relationships and social interactions.

Fix

Don’t jump to conclusion. Take a pause and ask yourself: Am I thinking too much about what others are saying? Challenge your negative thoughts. You don’t always have to read between the lines. Some things should be taken just as it is. Don’t take every comment personally, especially if they are coming from people who have negligible or zero influence in your life. Remind yourself that their opinion doesn’t really matter. Spend time in comforting hobbies.

Procrastination

Procrastination has a huge list of negative effects. It builds up anxiety of last minute rush. Deteriorates quality of your work. Results in lost opportunities. Obstructs your progress. Makes you lose trust of loved ones. Hurts your relationships. Pressurizes you to make poor decisions. Results in unfinished goals. Hampers your growth. Damages your physical and mental health.

Fix

Practice time management. Make use of planners. List down all that you need to do and prioritize them. Many a times we tend to avoid those tasks which are tough to handle. Break such piece of work into sub-tasks, and finish the simplest one first. This will motivate you to work on the next one. Set realistic and measurable goals. And don’t forget to reward yourself for every accomplished goal.

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Changes don’t happen overnight. It’s a slow, constant, forward and backward process. So be patient with yourself and keep working towards your transformation.

"Become addicted to constant and never-ending self-improvement" - Anthony J. D'Angelo