Worry, by definition a feeling of anxiety about actual or potential problem. Now the word worth noting here is potential problem. A problem that may or may not arise in future. And worry not only about the problem of the future but also of the decision taken in the past. And if this worry is keeping you awake at night and troubled during the day, it’s called rumination.
Everyone gets stressed by the ups and downs of life. But the problematic approach is going over the same matter in your mind again and again. Hence getting trapped in the spiral loop of negative thoughts.
What is rumination?
Rumination is a cycle of negative thinking. It starts with one negative thought followed by a chain of repetitive passive thoughts. People prone to rumination magnify their stress to the point that it becomes anxiety. While remembering the negative events of the past they interpret their current situations more negatively. Their preoccupation with the problem makes it hard for them to find solutions. They keep dwelling on their negative feelings and end up getting stuck there. Because rumination is a vicious cycle where the more a person ruminates, the worse they feel, which then leads to more rumination.
Where does it come from?
Perfectionism
Perfectionist have exceptionally high standards for them. And anything below that mark of perfection is perceived as failure. For them rumination takes form of self criticism. Their fear of failure traps them in a rumination cycle where over analyse every possible negative outcome. They ruminate over tiny mistakes and repeatedly mull over a problem without ever coming to a solution.
Parenting
Parents are role model for their kids and their parental behavior affects emotional regulation of the child. Parents who often criticise their kids promotes self criticism in the child. Which results in low self esteem and hopelessness. Thus the child starts to ruminate while facing a problem. Over controlling and negative parenting leads to higher level of rumination in child.
Controlling mindset
Those who need to control everything in order to stay at peace are susceptible to rumination. They self soothe themselves by trying to control as many outcomes as they can. Their desire to control is rooted in the fear of uncertainty. They often replay stations in their mind which they are trying to control. And their obsession with getting things done their way can cause overthinking.
Trauma
A traumatic or adverse experience of past can also cause rumination. A person who has lived in trauma might remain stuck in the state of defensiveness. And they tend to assume the worst in any given scenario. It’s an adaptive response because by doing this they are trying to protect themselves from experiencing trauma again.
Rumination doesn’t solve problems
Rumination is often confused with problem solving. While solving a problem, we need to analyse the situation and try to work out every possible solution. That’s how problem solving works. Rumination on the other hand is over analysing a situation even after the plan has been worked out. In fact many a times people ruminate the problem so much that they never come up with a solution. Which means after repeatedly dwelling over situation you still feel bad, even worse. Because all you have been thinking about is the worst scenarios, and what could go wrong even after you have a plan to deal with it.
That’s how rumination keeps you in bad mood for as long as you ruminate. If you ruminate for days, you would remain upset for days.
While it’s good to work on problem solving by formulating a plan but once you have figured out a solution you HAVE to stop thinking about the problem and engage in something totally unrelated to the situation at hand. For example, go out to grab a coffee or solve a sudoku puzzle. Engage your mind in something interesting and forget about the problem.
Overcoming rumination
Challenge and validate your thoughts
Rumination often blow things out of proportion. While in reality situation might not be as bad as you have perceived in your mind. Check for the accuracy of your negative thoughts. Ask yourself, is it really going to happen? And if yes, what’s the probability? Negative thoughts are often based on feeling rather than facts. That’s why these thoughts needs to be reframed based on facts.
Plan and act
Every solution needs a concrete plan followed by action. Only way you can prepare yourself for a worst case scenario is by planning for it. Just worrying about the worst is not going to help. Rather, have a plan for the worse. So what are you going to do if your worst fear comes true? Your actions will only save your day. Mulling won’t.
Just leave what you can’t control
How can you change a situation which is not in your control? Even if it is your only wish to control everything around you, but still, can you? And no matter how much time and energy you spent on such situations, you can NOT make even a slightest change. So next time when you feel the urge of dwelling, just think what exactly can you do to make a change. And if the answer is nothing, then you have to just stop thinking about it. Because as mentioned above, it’s your action that will bring a change not your worry.
Set realistic expectation
Life isn’t a upward curve. No one can get an A+ in every single exam they take. You need to widen the range of your grades. Life won’t always turn the way you want it to. But does this really means that nothing is going right in life? Things won’t always go as planned. But does this mean that all your efforts were wasted? Optimism while being realistic is the key to overcome rumination.
Keep your mind busy
Not every problem has a ready solution. Sometimes it takes days or weeks to find a solution. And if you keep ruminating all that time you will bring in more and more anxiety. That’s why you need distraction. Something that takes your mind away from the problem. Because an upset mind in idle state is the perfect place for ruminating thoughts.
Quest of happiness is common to us all. We all want to stay happy and not worry at all. But at the same time we also realise that it’s impossible. However, what is possible is a little shift in perspective and look beyond
"No amount of anxiety can change the future. No amount of regret can change the past." - Karen Salmansohn
2 responses to “How to control racing thoughts of the mind”
WOW. Another great article from your “stable-of-excellence.”
Your pursuit of excellence is a remarkable effort and a dedication to constant progress, a quality I greatly appreciate, as it is hard to find. Professionals often do not communicate/ communicate well, with lapses resulting in poor relations. Words such as “I will revert at my earliest convenience” help. The prospective receiver otherwise unnecessarily wonders/worries.
My working day has started very well reading this insightful article on mindful communication and its pitfalls, a topic that I find particularly fascinating.
I always manage to start the day well. I have developed an uncanny and heaven-provided ability to search articles that give me peace and happiness to start my day well and on a positive note. I am full of gratitude that I have woken up and am alive to what will be a fantastic day. Alternately, I always have meaningful and satisfying work ready for me to complete. I purposely leave such work half-finished on the previous day/occasion to start well the next day/writing occasion.
The section on pitfalls accentuates what is wrong with relationships and why bad (read harmful) relationships develop over time.
Texting, especially in these WhatsApp message days, is harmful. Most humans cannot communicate concisely and accurately.
The result is (i) the wrong communication of emotions, (ii) the non-expression of a situation’s desperation, or (iii) the improper (read disrespectful) communication of requisites by the writer to the reader. Emojis and smileys may help express emotions partially.
The biggest pitfall of texting is that “anger” is expressed fast and without mindfulness of the damage these messages do to existing relationships, which cannot be retracted (read corrected), even if one tries minutes later.
Forwarding text messages is the most harmful activity. Most “forwards” are meaningless to the receiver (WhatsApp groups). Very often, the sender has never read through or understood the fundamental thought behind the text message and does not appreciate captioning and creating a synopsis for such “forwarded” text messages.
Specifically relating to the article’s ‘Validate Emotions’ section:
Emojis, Smileys, ‘thumbs-up’ or ‘Namaste’ signs do not say it all and are the least of the ’emphatic-writing tools.’ In written communication, we must develop individual tools for expressing our emotions and empathy.
The mental projection of such texts is that the writer is “really not bothered.”
Though difficult to achieve every time, communication must come straight from the heart in a dispassionately passionate, truthful manner. Alternately, to be politically correct, it could be a simple nod identified by body language.
Texting, in effect, destroys communications because it is not emotion-led.
I suggest the following additions regarding the excellent article to enrich the reader’s understanding further.
1. Time is also a healer in bad relations. A section could be added to correct negative relationships through communication.
2. For older adults like me, reading through the article in one go and mindfully remembering what has been taught (the article’s essence) gets complicated. To boost reader interest, the article could be divided into two parts; for example, the pitfall section could be separated through look forward to sign, etc.
3. Such teachings as the article projects could be taught at schools and colleges to boost traction.
4. The article may carry an infographic on “Essentials of Good Communicators.”
Thanks a lot sir for your kind words, appreciation and valuable suggestions. It truly means a lot to me to know that my efforts have made a positive impact.