"Mindfulness is a pause, the space between stimulus and response: that's where choice lies." - Tara brach

Mindfulness is a space between response and reaction. Reactions are impulsive, response are mindful. And when it comes to parenting, it’s our response that holds the key to future. Our kids are imitating us, they are observing and eventually learning from us. What we do, how we react, behaviour we model; it all creates a great impact on them.

Mindfulness brings our attention to the present, away from the guilt of past and the worries of future. A practice which brings your conscious awareness to where you are, what you are thinking and how you’re feeling at this very moment. And when we are mindful, our response is not steered by our overwhelming emotions.

What’s Mindful Parenting?

Before we teach our kids to manage their emotions, we as parent need to learn that ourselves. Mindfulness in parenting is the same practice that we follow in our daily life. Which is to bring our conscious awareness inward. Paying close attention to what’s happening inside and in our surrounding instead of being driven thoughtlessly by our emotions. When we practice mindfulness in our daily life we understand what we feel, why do we feel so and how are we expressing it.

Mindfulness doesn’t imply that we can’t ever get angry; it simply means that we are aware of the real source of anger rather than putting the blame on the child who is just a trigger and not the cause. Mindful parenting means we take responsibility of managing our own sentiments before we expect our child to follow our footsteps.

Benefits of Mindful Parenting

Mindful parenting forms a base for a harmonious relationship with your child. It improves your communication with your child and give them a conducive environment where they can appreciate you without a fear of being judged. Other benefits are:

• We learn to regulate our emotions and also showcase the same skill to our kids. Thus children also grow up with better emotional regulation skills.

• Both parents and kids learn to work together as a team to resolve conflicts and come with mutually agreeable solution. This makes parenting less stressful for parents and less frustrating for kids.

• Child learns patience and other essential skills like self-awareness, self regulation, resilience, empathy and approaching others non-judgmentally.

How to Be a Mindful Parent

Mindfulness parenting doesn’t only bring awareness towards your own triggers but it also makes you aware of your child’s needs. As much as you would understand your own emotions, just that much you would moderate their thoughts and feelings.

Be aware of your own stress

There are times when we are emotionally more vulnerable and less patient. Times when we are preoccupied by work, health or relationship issues. When we are overworked, frustrated and sensitive. These stressful times are our hotspots, when our emotions are easily triggered. And it’s hard to keep our reactions in check. And to make sure that we keep our behaviour in check, we must identify our hotspots.

Let go of your ego

Kids don’t owe you for bringing them to this world. They need not to behave well only because you are fulfilling their needs. Your job as a parent doesn’t resonate in their behaviours and it should not. Child would act like a child no matter how wonderful a parent you are. Yes, they must learn to regulate their emotions because it’s a necessary social skill. Not because they are thankful to you.

Let’s not get mad at them because they are showing tantrum to YOU, the one who is raising them, feeding them and taking care of them. Rather ask yourself, if not you then who? Who the child can trust with their outburst without the fear of consequence? Whom the child can be absolutely honest with when it comes to their emotions? And who would even bother to listen to their true self amidst this emotional noise?

Listen with patience

Children also have a point of view. Their actions and behaviour always have a reason behind. Whether we agree to that or not is a different matter but as parent we must hear them out. Even if their logic doesn’t make sense it’s important that they spill all their emotions out. And for that it’s very important that you listen without interrupting them. You may ask questions to understand them better but don’t cut them off assuming you have already understood. This process of patiently listening will not only help you respond mindfully but it also makes your child feel heard. So they feel confident to open up.

Practice mindfulness in good times too

Yes it’s important to be mindful while resolving a conflict but lets not forget to practice mindfulness in happy times as well. Notice their selflessness when they give bigger bite to their younger siblings. Praise them for making their bed without reminder. Stay present with your child during all your interactions. Approach them with compassion and non-judgement at all times.

Apologise sincerely

Off course you are not a perfect parent, and there would be times when you would lose your calm. And being a role model doesn’t mean you have to be flawless. Rather, it means that you demonstrate behaviour that you expect to see in your child. So don’t hesitate to acknowledge your mistake and apologise. A sincere apology can heal the wound that your anger has caused. It also means that you are teaching your child to take responsibilities of their own actions.

---

Parenting is work in progress and so is mindfulness. Aim is not to master it because there is no right way to parent. Key is not to take a route of reaction or avoidance, rather soak in your emotions along with your child’s experience.

“There is no such thing as a perfect parent so just be a real one.” - Sue Atkins