When it comes to emotions, there are deeper and deeper levels that can be discovered. And this discovery is even more important if you have experienced something emotionally painful. Whether it’s a lost relationship or a lost dream, these emotional experiences needs emotional healing.
Although there is not set rule when it comes to emotional healing. Because just like we all are unique in our own sense, our healing process can be unique as well. But still, just like physical healing there is a process for emotional healing too. Which usually can happen in different stages:
Recognition
First stage of emotional healing is recognition. Which means to recognise the fact that you need healing. And recognition doesn’t just mean to acknowledge that there is emotional pain. But to also understand how much this pain is affecting your life and to what extent. And this understanding comes when you realise that life can not go on like this and you must do something about it. And that’s the point where change happens and that’s the point where healing actually starts. Though it’s hard to accept that change is needed, but it is the most crucial step in the healing journey.
Acceptance
Next stage is acceptance. And again, by acceptance it doesn’t mean that you have accepted what has happened and have come to terms with it. Rather, acceptance means to acknowledge all the emotions that have arose because of what you have experienced. If you have lost something or someone precious, in that case acceptance doesn’t mean that you should pretend to forget them. It doesn’t mean you can not and should not remember them every single day. It doesn’t means that you have to move on with you life pretending to not bothered by their absence.
Here, acceptance means to accept all the emotions that have arised due to this loss. Acceptance means to feel each and every emotion without guilt or judgement. Acceptance means to not withhold any feeling no matter how troublesome it might be. This second stage of emotional healing can only happen when you have profoundly understood that emotions can not and should not be denied or suppressed; and to break free from pain , you have to go through it.
Exploration
Stage of exploration involves digging into the root cause of your pain and to identify the source of your emotions. It involves a lot of introspection and self-reflection. First step of exploration is to name each and every feeling and then retracing the trail to it’s source. For example, asking yourself what exactly do you feel at this moment. Is it anger, sadness, worry? What is it? So are you angry because things are not going as per plan or are you afraid that something unexpected will happen? Is your anger masking your fear or is it the other way round?
Many a times emotions are so jumbled up together that we can’t differentiate one from another, that’s why naming them is important. And next is to trace your emotions back to their source. Ask yourself what makes you feel this way? Is your current feeling a result of your present situation or is it a result of a subdued past? Our emotions are influenced by our thoughts so paying attention to what we are thinking gives us a clue to why we are feeling in a certain way.
Understanding
Understanding is like enlightenment. Because now you know what exactly you feel and why do you feel so. This stage might need an external help. A friend, family or a therapist. Your loved ones and people whom you can trust help you navigate through your complex emotions. Understanding develops a great sense of self-awareness. Through understanding a person can draw meaning from their behaviour. They understand how their past has affected them or even shaped them. They come to realize that from their outlook to their actions, everything is influenced by what they have experienced. Understanding enables a person to reinterpret their experiences, so they can move forward in their healing journey.
Release
Once you have identified and acknowledged your feelings, the next stage is to release them. So you can let go of the pain that you have been carrying for so long. Cry them out, sweat them out, write them down, paint them down, talk them out, sing them out; it doesn’t matter which healthy outlet you choose; what’s important is that you let them flow. In their very crude and raw form, let your emotions be channeled out. Releasing your pent up emotions would only create the space that you need for healing.
Reconnection
Depending upon your experiences and the kind of emotions that you have felt, reconnection can take up many forms. It may involve letting go of resentment (so that the grudges of past stop affecting your present), it may involve forgiveness (so that you can free yourself from the hurt that someone else has caused you); it may involve gratitude (so that you get the confidence that you are not alone and this is not the end) or it may involve mindfulness ( So that you stop trying to control things beyond your reach and stay with your present).
Reconnection marks a phase where an individual begins to rebuild connections, establish trust and discover a balance within oneself. It’s a deeper connection with one’s true self.
Transformation
As the final stage of healing, transformation involves integrating all the learnings, insights and wisdom that you have gained from your healing journey. It’s a phase of profound shift in perspective, outlook, mindset and attitude. The stage of healing where we are ready to create space for something new that our present has to offer. Transformation offers sense of purpose, growth and resilience for an individual to make new impressions. So once you have healed, this whole experience shall transform you into a better version of yourself.
There is no set timeline that one should follow for emotional healing. If you find yourself stuck in a stage that’s absolutely okay. Take your time, stay there for as long as you need before moving onto next. Remember, healing is a process that can not be rushed.
"If you never heal what hurt you, you'll bleed on people who didn't cut you" - Tamara Kulish