What would you think of a person who doesn’t have any plans for Friday night? Sick? Tired? Introvert? Depressed? Or may be new in town. Isn’t it? Why else would anyone sit alone at home otherwise? Right? One has to have a heartbreaking break up for choosing a night snuggled in the couch with hot coffee over a kickback with friends. Any other reason might not qualify. May be that’s why we usually tell people that we have something important to cater to, and hence can’t be a part of the gathering. Rather than being honest with them.
So what’s the deal? Why is being alone looked so down upon? Because many people don’t understand the difference between ‘being alone’ and ‘being lonely’.
Loneliness is a state of need, fear, anxiety; whereas solitary is a state of self-sufficiency, awareness, comfort. While solitude is a choice, loneliness on the other hand is not. In fact choosing to spend time with oneself is not a sign of low esteem but indeed a sign of self-worth. It’s a state of constructive engagement with yourself, where you indulge in deeper thoughts, and bring awareness within. Well by all means, alone time with ourselves is equally important as the time we spend with our loved ones.
Why you need quiet time with yourself?
Day-dreaming
Where do you see yourself five years from now? What are your aspirations? Often, these are few most common questions of HR rounds. And I believe, we all have our own set of answers to these questions. But in actual, how many time have you sincerely sat alone and probe yourself for the real answers? Ofcourse, not the ones that you have prepared for an appraisal meet, but the ones which are actually true. Is there something that you really desire and aspire? Have you sat alone and asked yourself?
Well, we usually spent our days following schedules and finishing up jobs with no time left for any self dwelling. That is why few minutes of quiet time with yourself is an absolute opportunity to delve into what you really want. It’s your time to think about your dreams, the action plan, your limitations, and ofcourse how you plan to overcome those. Basically the idea is to self-assess while being completely honest with yourself.
Self-Reflection
When you sit alone, your mind talk to itself and you do nothing but to simply listen to it. It’s like looking at yourself with an external eye in particular. In fact it is the time when you can evaluate your actions and understand the reasons behind your reactions. You can try to understand how you felt in a particular situation and why exactly you felt that way. Basically, it’s like a rendezvous with yourself.
Hence, use this time to know the real you, look for what please you, and what irritates you. What do you love about yourself, what do you dislike about yourself. What makes you a unique person, what makes you special, what makes you loveable and dependable.
Unfold yourself
“You are capable of amazing things” All you need is to unfold the unexplored side of yourself. Sit alone, dig in. You have huge potential, recognise it. So go ahead and try something new. Challenge yourself. Make sense of the past, the events that have shaped and affected you. Know the real you, not the one who is just abiding for the social approval. Aren’t we all hiding behind multiple layers? Of expectations, beliefs, conventions; losing the touch of our core that makes us, us? Solitude is a date with our true self.
Creative you
Is there an artist hidden in you? How would you know if you just immerse yourself in daily chores and never really take out time for yourself? Take a pause; what was your favourite past time in your childhood? Live those moments again. Pick up that brush, or flute, or sketch book, or mic!! Give yourself these treasured moments of pleasure. Indulging in any kind of creativity is not just a refreshing break but a gateway to out of the box thinking. It takes your mind off the daily life struggles and open your mind to innovation, which in turn helps in solution finding.
Calm the noises in mind
Solace is not only shutting ears to external noises but also to the internal ones. Your quiet time is the time away from distractions, expectations, pressure, conflicts, presumptions. It’s the time when you stop thinking and start reflecting. These noises in your mind makes everything blurry, they distant you from your goals, and moreover make you unfamiliar to yourself. They make every trivial problem gigantic, they muffle the voice of our own mind. Give yourself those peaceful moments where you shut yourself from every noise, external or internal. This practice clears the brain fog and makes solutions clearly visible.
Improved focus
Obvious, isn’t it? If you move yourself away from distraction you gain focus. When all of your energies are centred within, you are more productive. Likewise, when you don’t hear your surroundings, you hear yourself. Further, when you aren’t worrying about social acceptability, you start to work on self improvement.
How to spend alone time with yourself
- Spend few morning minutes in peace. Look forward for your day and think how you can make best out of it.
- Take yourself out on a date. Go for coffee, movie, dinner, shopping. Whatever you do, just enjoy your own company.
- Schedule a ‘me time’ in your calendar and set a reminder for it. Put all your gadgets away during this time; especially your smart phone.
- Have few minutes of silence before bed. A good time to introspect with fresh memories of the day in mind.
- Go out for a pleasant walk or a thoughtful long drive.
- Grab a book, park yourself and indulge in the world of knowledge and wisdom. One of the best way to make something out of your free time.
- Write a journal. Your journals carry your emotions, struggles, accomplishments; it’s a reflection of the real you. Be truthful and fearless with this piece of paper.
- "being alone is not being lonely" -